


The Elucidated Brethren of the Temple of the Four Orders

by Cutebutpsycho



Category: Sherlock Holmes (Downey films)
Genre: GNU Terry Pratchett, In which the movie meets Discworld
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-14 07:01:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15383262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cutebutpsycho/pseuds/Cutebutpsycho
Summary: I wrote this years ago for the shkinkmeme. The prompt was:I just finished reading Guards! Guards! again, and I don't know if anyone is going to get this, but I am in desperate need of Blackwood having to deal with he Elucidated Brethren. Oh, the incompetence! The, the nonsense!He would have fits, I feel. And then be very grateful for Coward.





	The Elucidated Brethren of the Temple of the Four Orders

Lord Blackwood closed his eyes and breathed a deep breath. He was almost there. The scheme was coming to fruition quite nicely. Soon he would control the world.  
  
But before then, he had to deal with a big hurdle. Not Sherlock Holmes. No, that pasty-faced, foul-smelling "consulting detective" (more likely a cocaine addict) was not a problem. It was his fellow brethren.  
  
"What's all this nonsense about declaring a meeting in the middle of this weather?" he could hear one of the men grumbling to Lord Coward. "I could barely get the temple doors open because the wood swelled up so badly."  
  
"I know. I'm soaked to the skin," muttered another member. "My footman stole my umbrella. I know it was him. Can't believe after all these years he'd nick it off of me."  
  
"My dear Lord Pastiche," he could hear Lord Coward say in soothing tones. "We've received bad news that Sir Thomas has been murdered."  
  
"-- it was a nice umbrella. Solid wood handle and everything," Lord Blackwood heard Lord Pastiche say amid the gasps and rumbles of the brethren.  
  
Lord Blackwood took a deeper breath. As soon as it was convenient, he was going to sacrifice that ninny.  
  
"I said, Sir Thomas has been murdered," Lord Coward said in a louder, firmer tone. Finally, Lord Pastiche was silenced. "It is time to appoint a new leader to the order."  
  
The entire room drew a collective breath. You could almost hear them stepping back from the situation like it was a radio-controlled biological weapon of some sort.  
  
"Well that's it," a voice piped up. "No more erotic rituals for us."  
  
The crowd sighed in unhappiness. "Agreed," said another voice. "Sir Thomas always made sure that the Summer Solstice was an enjoyable time."  
  
"Very considerate that one," someone else said. "Even made sure there was refreshments like, wossa, wossa called?"  
  
"Canapes," Lord Coward said in a crisp tone.   
  
"Yes that was it. Always appreciated those little cucumber sandwiches. Very handy when you're in the middle of a fertility rite," the group of men rumbled in agreement. "I mean, they're easy to hold in one hand while you --"  
  
Lord Blackwood realized that was the voice of Lord Worcestershire. Another one to be sacrificed, he thought. The only way he got into the order was because of his saucy nature.  
  
"More importantly," Lord Coward said in a louder, firmer tone, cutting off Lord Worcestershire. "We need a new leader."  
  
The entire room rumbled in quiet dismay. Lord Blackwood knew this was coming. None of the men wanted the position of leader, but they were too weak to say so.   
  
"If I may make a suggestion, Lord Blackwood," Lord Coward said. That was his cue and Lord Blackwood came forward, out of the shadows.  
  
What a pasty-faced lot, he thought to himself as he savored their gasps. You give a group of men some canapés, some erotic rites out of some silly book and then they think they're connected to magic. All you needed was someone who could manipulate that belief, and then you could manipulate them, like sheep.  
  
"Gentlemen," he said. "As you know, I was conceived during one of those rituals. The magic is strong within me. I can lead this order to greater heights than before."  
  
He could hear a mumble of concern. Greater heights meant more responsibilities, and less canapés, judging by the tone of the crowd.   
  
"By doing this, we will educate the world about our teachings and be revered as the great visionaries we are." Lord Blackwood smiled. They liked the sound of visionaries.  
  
"What about dissenters?" piped up one voice.  
  
"Ah, my dear Lord Wincanton, they will fall under our rule," he replied calmly.  
  
"Even my footman who nicked my umbrella?"   
  
"Yes Lord Pastiche. Even him."  
  
"Alright then," Lord Pastiche said without hesitation. "He's got my vote."  
  
And with that, the group hailed their new leader. Lord Blackwood smiled. The final hurdle was cleared.


End file.
